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Guidelines for Indonesian Motorbike Drivers

A helpful, humorous and insightful look at riding motorcycles in Indonesia

Buy a helmet, preferably one that covers your head and is made of a hard material.
Wear your helmet, preferably on the top of your head.
Since the police don’t care if you strap your helmet on, why bother.
Your children do not need a helmet, as in an accident they will be thrown far away (along with your helmet).
When passing a car on the same side that it is turning, be quick about it!
Never carry more than 2 adults and 5 children.
When entering an intersection, particularly with said 2 adults and 5 children, never look for cross traffic – it shows weakness.
Never carry more than 5 big petrol or water bottles.
Remember that those small petrol bottles capped with a rag that they sell in the small stores along the side of the road also make good Molotov cocktails.
On some roads you will see a line painted down the middle – ignore it.
If you put out your arm and wave your hand in a downward motion, you can do anything you want.
Never put mirrors on your motorbike – people will expect you to use them.
Driving at night with no lights makes it easier to sneak up on other drivers.
Never carry a pole, pipe or bamboo longer than 10 meters.
When driving on the wrong side of the street, try to avoid oncoming traffic.
Never give the money to a policeman right away. They will get offended and think that you feel that they only care about the money.
When driving on the sidewalk, try to avoid pedestrians and bunkus carts.
Try to avoid the old ibu putting down offerings in the middle of the busy intersection (Bali).
If you come upon a friend, pull along side of him in the middle of the road, slow down, and catch up on old times.
When driving on the motorways in Jakarta try to avoid the guys selling cigarettes in the middle of the road.
If you are driving on a Jakarta motorway during rush hour and going more than 10 kph, hang on for dear life, because you must be airborne.
When weaving in and out of traffic, lean deep so you look good before you die.
Never yield to other traffic – they won’t understand what you’re doing away.
If someone stupidly yields to you, never acknowledge with a “thank you” wave. People will realize that you didn’t beat the guy out on your own.
If you get into an accident with a bule, it is always their fault. If you can, fake the accident.
When squeezing between 2 cars, always push their side mirrors back to give yourself more room.
If you happen to get stuck behind a car that actually stops at a red light, keep the driver alert by beeping your horn before the light turns green.
The best place to overtake other traffic is on the other side of the road when approaching the crest of a hill.
One way roads? What are they?
Red lights do not apply to you.
When you come across an accident, stop in the middle of the road and look.