“One evening, I was watching the interaction and listening to the conversation between my husband and my daughter. She was only five years old then. She had taken a storybook and was flipping through the pages, trying to read it. Not long afterwards, she sighed, looking sad as she put the book aside. I could see she was feeling disappointed. Surrounding her was a sense of self-defeat and acceptance that she simply could not read.
My husband noticed what was happening. In his wisdom, he quietly came alongside her and gently lifted her onto his lap. He selected an interesting storybook with larger print and suggested, “Let’s read together.” Smiling warmly, he began reading. Soon, encouraged by her daddy’s enthusiasm, our daughter joined in.
When they finished, her daddy said with genuine joy, “Carina, you can read. There are still some words you have to learn, but you can read. You are a reader!”
My daughter was delighted. From her expression I could see that she was amazed by the realization that she could read. It was a pivotal moment. Within minutes, her thinking had transformed from “I cannot read” to “I can read.”
Throughout my years in education, these “Aha!” moments—whether at home or in preschool—have always been among the most exciting experiences to witness. They are moments of discovery that permanently change a child’s attitude towards a challenge.
For Carina, it was the shift from believing “I cannot read” to confidently saying “I can read.” That simple experience became life-changing. Today, she is an avid reader.
My husband provided encouragement, patience and love. Early childhood is built upon these seemingly small but deeply meaningful experiences.
The example above illustrates what educators call direct guidance towards self-direction. Carina moved from discouragement to confidence, developing a stronger sense of identity and self-esteem. Direct guidance refers to the physical, verbal and emotional techniques adults use to positively influence a child’s behaviour, confidence and decision-making.
The ultimate goal is not simply to change behaviour in the moment, but to help children become self-directed, resilient individuals who are capable of making wise decisions throughout their lives.
As parents and educators, we hope our children will learn to face challenges with confidence and resilience. Early guidance matters because we care deeply about them. Love forms the foundation of effective guidance. It must be genuine, because children have an amazing ability to recognise whether an adult truly cares for them.
Using the story above, we can see three important forms of guidance.
Physical Guidance
Physical guidance includes any caring physical contact or close physical presence that helps influence a child’s behaviour in a positive way.
When my husband noticed Carina’s disappointment, he first observed her feelings before taking action. Rather than criticising her or pointing out what she could not do, he quietly sat beside her and gently placed her on his lap. He selected a book that better matched her reading ability and demonstrated how they could read together.
His body language communicated safety, love and encouragement before he even spoke.
Children often need to experience love physically through hugs, gentle touch and reassuring presence. Research continues to show that positive physical affection plays an important role in healthy emotional development, helping children feel secure and supported.
Verbal Guidance
Verbal guidance uses words to influence a child’s thinking and behaviour.
Sometimes the most powerful encouragement comes from only a few carefully chosen words.
My husband’s simple invitation—“Let’s read together”—communicated much more than the words themselves. It said:
- You’re not alone.
- I believe you can do this.
- I’ll help you succeed.
For young children, these guidelines can help:
- Listen carefully before responding.
- Make eye contact.
- Use short, simple sentences appropriate for the child’s age.
- Use an authoritative parenting approach that combines warmth with clear expectations.
- Tell children what they can do rather than focusing on what they should not do.
- Give one instruction at a time.
- Only give directions that are truly necessary.
- Make it clear when a child has choices and when there are firm boundaries.
- Teach problem-solving rather than always providing solutions.
- Encourage children to set achievable personal goals.
- Praise effort, persistence and improvement, not only success.
Children who hear encouraging language are more likely to develop confidence and become willing to tackle new challenges.
Affective (Emotional) Guidance
Affective guidance refers to the emotional connection between an adult and a child.
Children develop a healthy self-concept when they consistently experience love, acceptance, encouragement and respect.
This guidance may be expressed through:
- A genuine smile
- Gentle words
- Affection
- Focused attention
- Praise
- Encouragement
- Approval of sincere effort
Carina’s father expressed his love not only through his actions but also through his encouraging words and genuine delight in her success. His affirmation helped shape how she viewed herself.
Every Child Develops at Their Own Pace
One important lesson for parents is to remember that every child develops differently.
Some children begin reading earlier, while others develop confidence in different areas first. Comparing children with siblings or classmates often creates unnecessary pressure.
Instead, celebrate each child’s individual progress. The goal is not to be better than someone else, but to become a little more capable each day.
When children experience repeated success at their own level, they begin developing a growth mindset—the belief that abilities improve through learning, practice and perseverance.
Creating More “Aha!” Moments
Parents can support their children simply by taking time to observe and understand their individual needs.
People often speak about quality time, but equally important is available time. Many of the most significant teaching moments are spontaneous and unexpected. They cannot be scheduled.
As parents, we should be ready to recognise and seize these teachable moments. Often, they become the memories our children carry with them for the rest of their lives.
I encourage every family to collect these “Aha!” moments like precious gemstones in your family’s treasure box.
Indeed, our children are wonderful gifts of love, joy and hope. Treasure them with patience, encouragement and genuine care.
I remain thankful for all my own “little treasures” in life.
By Mrs. Seemun Suparno, B.A., M.Sc., M.Ed. Man.Founder Director of Kinderland Preschools and Ichthus Schools, Jakarta, Indonesia.
First published in Anakku Magazine
