Editor’s Note:
This article was originally published in The Jakarta Post and reflects the personal observations and opinions of the author at the time of writing. While some references and examples may feel dated, many of the underlying themes and discussions around cross-cultural relationships remain relevant today. The article is presented in its original tone and perspective and should be read as an editorial viewpoint rather than a definitive or universal representation of Indonesian society.
Some members of white society in Indonesia get upset with the use of the term “bule,” which can be interpreted in different ways—ranging from a harmless everyday label to something more sensitive. For the purpose of this article, we will use the word “foreigner,” a broader term that includes all non-native Indonesians, whether Caucasian, African, Chinese, or from other backgrounds.
When people are asked why they choose a foreign partner, the most common answer is simple: love. It is the expected and socially acceptable response—two people connecting despite differences in background or appearance. And while that may certainly be true in many cases, relationships, like marriage itself, are often more complex and involve a mix of motivations, expectations, and realities.
Rather than idealizing the subject, this article takes a closer look at some of the perceptions and situations that have contributed to the growing visibility of cross-cultural relationships in Indonesia.
Trying not to be skeptical, let’s take a look at a few cases. This article is not going to discuss a lot of flourishing cases to bore you. There are a lot of unique and interesting backgrounds behind these international partnerships. As there aren’t a wide variety of single white females in this city, most cases encountered are local females with their foreign partners.
Dating or marrying foreigners has become a trend for some young relatively low-paid or unemployed native women. They put seeking “professional whiteys” on their agenda when they go clubbing or simply hang out in malls. The curiosity to experience what is perceived as the glamorous expatriate lifestyle can sometimes influence behavior. As mentioned in previous discussions on this subject, love may not always be the primary motivation—and for some, that may not matter.
In some cases, both parties appear to benefit. The women may gain social status, financial security, or the opportunity to live abroad, while the men—often middle-aged or older—may find companionship with significantly younger partners.
Chat rooms in the cyber world have also attracted these love seekers. A local man once shared a story about meeting someone online through an English-language chat platform. After building a connection, they agreed to meet in person. However, upon discovering that he was Indonesian, she expressed disappointment and stated that she had assumed he was foreign based on his English fluency and was only interested in dating a white man.
What drives this trend? Is it money, romance, status, or something else entirely? While it may be uncomfortable to acknowledge, there are situations where love is not the primary factor.
Money is often cited as one reason. One example is Siti, a domestic worker for a foreign household. One evening, she explained that she was going out to an area known for expatriate nightlife, expressing her desire to improve her circumstances.
“I’m tired of being a penniless servant,” she said. “I’ve seen the women my employer meets, and they’re not any different from me. I want to find a foreign boyfriend too. Maybe then I can live abroad and change my life.”
Is it about physical relationships? Not necessarily. Cultural differences do not automatically translate into better compatibility in that area.
Could it be romance? Some believe that cultural differences in expressing affection play a role. It is often said that many Indonesian men are less expressive verbally when it comes to romantic feelings, sometimes viewing overt displays of affection as unnecessary or even a sign of weakness. In contrast, many Western men are more accustomed to openly expressing emotions, which can be appealing.
On the other hand, many highly educated Indonesians—particularly those who have studied abroad—say their relationships with foreign partners are based on shared values, similar worldviews, and openness to gender equality. These perspectives highlight that not all cross-cultural relationships are driven by superficial motivations.
For whatever reasons, interracial and cross-cultural marriages continue to grow in Indonesia. Ultimately, the reasons behind them vary widely, and what matters most is whether the relationship is positive and meaningful for those involved.
In global cities such as Amsterdam or Sydney, it is common to see couples of different backgrounds together without attracting attention. This reflects a broader acceptance of diversity in relationships, something that continues to evolve in Indonesia as well.
A friend once summarized her perspective simply: “It’s all about individual taste. Black hair, dark eyes, and colored skin just don’t attract me.” For her, attraction was purely physical.
But as the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep. Over time, physical appearance changes. What remains is personality—something that transcends skin color, nationality, or cultural background.
By Aida Greenbury
First published in The Jakarta Post
